Friday, July 18, 2014

Nation's HDs Threaten National Security


FNN National Security reporter, James Bund, filed this report. Mr Bund is a former MI-6 agent cashiered for unsavory behavior.

A new secret document released by Edward Snowden reveals the NSA is disgusted by the state of the hard drives on home computers. The lack of logical organization, the indecipherable file names and innumerable useless files combined with the extensive pornography have frustrated the NSA as they try to track threats to the country.

In the report, the NSA listed two examples of how the disorganized hard drives delayed investigations until the project was abandoned rather than continue to waste resources on the hard drive search investigations.

In one case, a terror plot was uncovered. It planned to destroy silos filled with cattle feed in order to drive up the price of meat and thus harm the nation's economy. The terrorist was believed to be in the Buffalo, NY area so the NSA hacked into over a quarter million home computers. Because of the disgraceful state of the hard drives and the porn that had to be investigated to see if they contained hidden messages, thirty-five analysts wasted two years trying to find clues to the terrorists before the project was abandoned. The wasted effort cost the taxpayers over a quarter billion dollars.

In the second case, NSA learned of a plot to infiltrate a secret location and modify the atomic clock used to time the internet and other national resources. If successful, it would make the atomic clock lose five minutes per year. Such a small change would disrupt airline and train schedules, play havoc with TV and radio shows and cause many other problems. The plot was believed to be centered around Farmburg in Iowa. The NSA hacked into every home computer in the area, but were again frustrated because of the disorganized hard drives.

The report concluded by urging all schools be forced to teach a course on how to properly organize a hard drive and how to name files in a meaningful manner.

The report stated the NSA analysts assigned to the hard drive investigations have to be reassigned after three months of working on the hard drives because of the frustrations of being unable to figure out what was on the computers.

The NSA denies the events in the report ever happened. It also reports that it has no problems with infiltrating and reading home computer hard drive files but it insists it does not do this and never would do anything as despicable as spying on a citizen's home computer.

FNN will monitor this issue for future developments.








Hank Quense is the author of 50 published short stories along with four novels and three collections of stories. All of these are humorous and/or satiric scifi and fantasy. In the non-fiction area, he has over a dozen articles published on fiction writing and he's the author of the Fiction Writing Guides series and the Self-publishing Guides series. Both series consist of a number of ebooks. The Fiction Writing Guides and the Self-Publishing Guides are an outgrowth of his lectures on both subjects.


38 comments :

  1. I refuse to name files in a meaningful manner!

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    1. Using meaningful file names is a skill that we haven't evolved into yet. Maybe in a 100 years from now it will different.

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  2. I have to admit that I have no idea how to organize a hard drive. I need to take some classes :)

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    1. Or you could hire FNN Reporter James Bund. He's a master at organization.

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  3. Ha! Hank has a great imagination. He should consider writing fiction. ;)

    I'm an organizer in theory, not so much in reality. My file names are all clear, but I have the bad habit of saving things to my desktop. When the clutter gets too bad, I scoop them into a 'Temp July 2014' or similar folder -- something like sweeping things into a junk drawer when company is coming! My intent is to take everything out and relocate the files when I have some spare time, but... it's a little like my intentions to clean closets! LOL~

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    1. this is exactly the type of clutter the report warned about.

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    2. You're a girl after my own heart, Carol. Only I name my folder really nifty names like Stuff, Junk, If'its.

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  4. I have two hard drives on one computer. I bet that will really confuse them.

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    1. definitely. Twice the confusion, twice the exasperation. This is probably a good way to confuse non-government hackers also.

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    2. Thanks for reminding me, Diane. I have a laptop that I keep forgetting isn't sync'd with my desktop. I made the mistake of doing that once.

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  5. I've tried numbering files. That worked for about once. I have number dyslexia, so when I hit 10, I was already reversing digits. Do you see a problem here?

    One thing I have a problem with in Hank's post is believing anyone in our government would stoop to spying on citizens. German citizens, maybe, but not U.S.

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    1. My sentiments exactly, Cheryl. Our governments (Us & Canada) would never do something so despicable. Another reason why I sleep so well at night. The first reason is because I'm boring and would never think to hang out with the loyalists.

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    2. I think the government tries to spy only on the Germans (they DID start 2 world wars after all) but NSA get mixed up and can't figure out where the Germans are so they spy on everyone to make sure they don't miss out on any Germans

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  6. Poor NSA agents, suffering through all that porn. And never trust anyone from Buffalo or Farmburg -- they're full of terrorists (and porn hoarders). ;)

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    1. Goodness that's good to know, Lexa. Although, since I live in BC on the west coast, chances of visiting NY are slim.

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  7. Hi Joylene .. frankly I'll do what I like with my hard drive - it's a shambles and that's meat and flesh all over the place, "flieshhammels" an Anglo Saxon name meaning flesh shelves ... who has the time for most of this - somehow let's focus on the serious stuff ...but who knows how cold my toes are tiddlypom ... this stuff mostly goes over my head and I ignore it.

    But equally thanks for hightlighting it .. cheers Hilary

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    1. Hilary, haha. I didn't understand a word! Haha.

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  8. Hey Joylene and the unflappable Hank,

    There is some eerie truth in this, good sir. Although, I have no hard drive on my computer. My computer is from the days of the wind up. Strangely enough, I keep getting calls from folks making out they are from Microsoft. They tell me there's a problem with my computer and that they require my bank details. I told one dude that I know all about this scam. He then told me my computer would stop working within 24 hours. That was a week ago. Oops....what's happening..........?

    Take care, eh!

    Gary

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    1. The unscrutable NSA works in strange ways and in many guises.

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    2. Gary, the same guy phoned me! Yikes. Oh, wait a minute. I had no money in the bank to begin with. Phew, that was close!

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  9. That's why I keep everything on Dropbox....

    Yeah, I have no idea what's on the hard drive or how it's organized. Hubby takes care of all that.

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    1. you are so lucky, Sara. My DH isn't computer savvy.

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  10. Interesting post. Is NASA really interested in our hard drives?

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    1. NASA isn't but the NSA definitely is. That's why it's so essential to get the hard drive organized. An organized hard drive reduces the cost of government.

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  11. lol... my hard drives are a mess. I try to keep them organised, I really do, but you know... mess happens ;)

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    1. I think it's impossible to keep a hard drive organized unless it's your full-time job. I agree: mess happens.

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  12. LOL!! This totally cracked me up. I'm also guilty of messy hard drives. I really wish operating systems made it easier to clean them up...

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    1. You may have a messy hard drive, but you have a lovely blog, Liz. Thanks for visiting!

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  13. The conspiracy theorist in me rises up to bite. =) I wouldn't put it past them.

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    1. The whole point of satire is to get people to think. Sounds like I gotcha with this one.

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  14. I have no idea how to organise a hard drive.
    As it is, I have loads of technological "thinggies" to catch up with. I'm trying to become cyber-savvy, I really am... but everytime I master one thing, then something new comes along and it's back to square one!!
    ...aaaargh, that's why I revert to good old-fashioned, dependable long-hand...

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    1. I sympathize, Michelle. Back in the 80s I felt comfortable with creating databases and reconstructing my computer's innards. Today most of the time I don't have a clue what's going on. I freak when I see "resolving host" at the bottom of my screen.

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  15. Grr. I just realized my comment from last week didn't go through...

    Ahem. I guess I'll just say hi! :)

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    1. I know what you mean. I hate when that happens. I think their people should constantly working with Blogger and WordPress; they need improvement.

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  16. :) I really enjoyed this post. Junk Drawer, yep that's my computer. Can't find a dang thing half the time. Most of it's probably useless anyway. If it was useful, I'd know where it was right? I'm notorious for attempting to clean it up, but in the end, I have folders such us - 'Writing Reference - 2012'. and such. I really find this disorganization frustrating, maybe one day I'll figure out how to keep it all nice and neat. Until then, I see future 'category - 2014' folders in my future. :)

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    1. An organized hard drive is an offense against nature

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