Friday, January 16, 2015

FNN Predictions for 2015

 

Faux News Network staff and management spent most of December gathering data and trends from around the world. Using advance mathematical devices such as calculators and smart phones we analyzed the data and developed a set of productions for next year.

Here are the Faux News Network predictions for 2015:

* Congress will pass a resolution proclaiming that global warming is an act of God and can’t be thwarted. People claiming pollution is affecting the weather will be deemed ecological terrorists and treated as such.
* Oil companies, because of falling prices, will demand a federal bailout so the companies can maintain their high profitability and dividend levels. Congress will approve the bailout.
* Pope Francis will announce he is moving the Vatican from Rome to Argentina to get away from the entrenched Vatican bureaucracy.
* Abortion will only be permitted in states in the Northeast and on the west coast.
* To invigorate the depressed armaments industry, Congress will authorize the President to declare war on the non-English speaking country of his choice.
*The NFL will cut the length of football games from sixty minutes to forty minutes in order to show more commercials.
* With the growing calls for a Constitutional Amendment on term limits, Congress will pass its own term-limit bill. Under the new law, people in Congress will be limited to serving 35 years.
* The cost of buying a member of Congress will increase 15% year to year. The cost of buying a local politician will vary by state and average 6 to 11%.
* The Supreme Court will rule that religious non-profits are people also and pastors now have the right to tell their parishioners how to vote without losing the church’s non-profit status.

FNN wants to know what your predictions are. Please tell us.


Hank Quense is the author of 50 published short stories along with four novels and three collections of stories. All of these are humorous and/or satiric scifi and fantasy. In the non-fiction area, he has over a dozen articles published on fiction writing and he's the author of the Fiction Writing Guides series and the Self-publishing Guides series. Both series consist of a number of ebooks. The Fiction Writing Guides and the Self-Publishing Guides are an outgrowth of his lectures on both subjects.
Strange Worlds OnlineHank's Amazon PageHank's Blog PageSelf-publishing Guides
Hank's fiction works 

54 comments :

  1. All seems rather grim, Joylene, hope they can find some more cheerful predictions for the year, but with the state the world is in, doesn't seem too likely. Well done Hank Quense, an amazing output.

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    1. You're correct, Carole. It is a rather grim set of predictions. We can change some of them though

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    2. Carole, never fear. When FNN is on standby, good times are never far away.

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  2. Not a very good outlook for the year. Hopefully there will some cheerful predictions for the year.

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    1. The good news is that most of these predictions (hopefully all of them) won't happen.

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    2. Anne, I believe things will improve OR my grey hair isn't yellow!

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  3. They better not shorten my football games!! I live for those sixty minutes.
    However, I can see the oil company bailout happening.

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    1. Know what you mean, Alex. Gas in Canada has dropped to 99 cents a litre. I may get to stop pushing my car through town soon.

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    2. The NFL needs more money, so I can see the games getting shortened. I can see the oil companies getting a federal handout also.

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  4. Oh, well...take it as it comes.

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  5. Only 35 years? I bet some members of congress will fight that one.

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    1. You're right. Some in Congress will fight the term limits because they will be forced to get a real job.

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    2. Well, you both got me there. Being Canadian, I'm not up on what any member of congress thinks. I'm missing something, eh?

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    3. Being Canadian actually is a good thing since you don't have to fret about Congress. I'm sure you have your own politicians to worry about

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  6. It would be such a shame if those oil giants weren't able to make the same in billions that they are used to! Why wouldn't we help them. ;)

    These definitely made me chuckle.
    ~Jess

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    1. Right. Why wouldn't Congress want to help them. If the oil companies revenue decreases, they may not be able to pay as much to own someone in Congress.

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    2. Oh--uh, we're cheering for the oil companies now? Just a sec, I have to change hats.

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  7. The bailout for oil companies scares me b/c I could totally see that happening :-(

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    1. Isn't that amazing. So many people see this prediction actually happening.

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    2. Okay you guys, don't start going worry-wart on me. We're a tough bunch. We can handle the oil companies. We just need a sandbox so we can stick our heads in it.

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  8. Hey Joylene and Hank,

    Penny the Jack Russell dog and modest internet superstar has pawndered your pawdictions, Hank. Evidently, NFL games will be down to zero minutes because it gets in the way of the ads.

    Hope you are enjoying the rest of your weekend, eh.

    Penny's pawtend human,

    Gary

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    1. I don't think the NFL game time will go to zero. The NFL needs some game time to separate the ads.

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    2. Hank has a good point, Gary. Which I'm sure leaves you feeling relief, eh?

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    3. Hey Joylene,

      The NFL could forego the game and have a pretend half time which is more entertaining than the NFL anyway. Joylene, should mention that the CFL is way better than that crap below the border.

      Take care, eh! :)

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  9. I would love to see term limits on Congress- especially the Senate- though something much shorter than the 35 years suggested ;)

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    1. Perhaps that's something your congressman could make happen?

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  10. Congress doesn't like people butting into their job and telling them when to leave. And they have the nerve to call it "service"

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  11. It looks like a bleak year for predictions. But hey, I can hide under a rock (hopefully a ecologically sound rock that can deflect global warming) and keep on typing away at my stories, right?

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    1. Sounds like a good plan, Loni as long as the rock isn't an oil-bearing rock.

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    2. Totally, Loni. Ecologically rocks are the answer!

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  12. 60 minutes! That's all the length of those three to four to five hour shows are? Really!!!
    sorry, thought I saw a squirrel! LOL
    Wouldn't put it past them, may not be actual but I'm sure if they could they would!

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    1. the only sane way to watch a football game is to record it and watch it later so you blow past the ads

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    2. Holy game night, Yolanda, watch out for those squirrels! I've heard they're trying to take over the world.

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  13. Those are some mighty interesting predictions, Hank. After the way the Seahawks unseated/unsettled the Packers in their last minutes, I think anything might be possible for the NFL! Personally, I'd rather put my money on a hockey team...altho' maybe not the Toronto Maple Leafs right now (much to my hubby's disgust!).

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    1. the Seahawks-Packers game was the best one I've seen in a long time. Possibly that's because I'm a Giant fan. (Sigh)

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    2. Hockey! I miss Hockey, Carol. We don't get it down here. Did I mention I miss hockey!

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    3. Joylene, if you want hockey (and reliable wifi) you have to put up with the cold and snow

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    4. Okay, well that settles that. Sorry no hockey.

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  14. The predictions are scary. What's more scary is the likelihood some of them will come true. :O

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    1. You mean it's true, squirrels are thinking of taking over the world! Yikes!

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  15. I think two or three could come to pass, but not necessarily in 2015. Sleep well , Lexa

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  16. Joylene, I've nominated you for an award. You can stop by my blog to pick it up.
    http://susannedrazic.blogspot.com/

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    1. Ah, Susanne, that's the nicest thing to happen to me in awhile. Thank you!

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  17. Heh, good to know what to prepare for. This year should be a doozy.

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    1. I'm with you, Sara. I'm expecting great things.

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  18. Given the current political climate, these seem to be pretty on target. :)

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    1. I think they are on target. Isn't that bad news?

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  19. I'm so pleased to hear the government is stepping up to help out the strapped oil companies. Aren't we the best ever country?

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    1. It's the least Congress can do in return for all that campaign cash the oil companies gave them

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