Wednesday, January 20, 2016

FNN Report: 2016 Predictions

Listen up, everyone! Hank Quense is back with some horrendously momentous and insignificant predictions for 2016! 






A group of Faux News Network prognosticators have worked long and hard to come up a list of predictions for 2016. 
Locked into a conference room and fueled by six-packs, pizza deliveries and an occasional bong, the group put together the following list

* Trump, denied the Republican nomination, runs as an independent and gets less than three percent of the total vote.  In disgusted he emigrates to Russia, changes his last name to Trumpovitch and launches an investment service with his buddy, Putin.  Together, they scam Russian investors out of 37 gazillion rubles.

* Hillary Clinton wins the election.  Her first act as President is to order the Secret Service to make sure her husband Bill Clinton is never allowed into the White House.

* The National Football League acknowledges that its rules are too complex for the referees to handle.  It fires all the referees and replaces them with on-field lawyers who will monitor game activity and argue penalty rulings to a panel of three celebrity judges holding court at the mid-field sidelines.  Fans will be able to text their opinion to the judges.

* ISIS gets angry over the rejection of their float proposal for NYCs Thanksgiving Day parade.  According to ISIS, the float would have been tasteful done to show women peacefully living under the command of their husbands or masters.  It would also depict a painless beheading process. ISIS called the rejection blatant bias and poor judgement.

* Texas initiates a movement to succeed from the United States.  The Federal Government does nothing to stop the movement, but builds a wall along the entire Texas border to keep Texans from entering the other forty-nine states.

* The winning number for the years biggest lottery worldwide will be 127-45A-37B-987-^#*

Faux News Network is proud to announce that FNN now has its own Flipboard Magazine.  You can check it out at http://flip.it/Q88SK.  Subscribe and keep up the latest FNN reports.



Hank Quense is the author of 50 published short stories along with four novels and three collections of stories. All of these are humorous and/or satiric scifi and fantasy. In the non-fiction area, he has over a dozen articles published on fiction writing and he's the author of the Fiction Writing Guides series and the Self-publishing Guides series. Both series consist of a number of ebooks. The Fiction Writing Guides and the Self-Publishing Guides are an outgrowth of his lectures on both subjects.




As you may have heard, we have a new member to the IWSG admins, Chrys Fey. Chrys will be putting together our newsletter each month. Here's some info on it:

The Insecure Writer's Support Group Newsletter will feature articles by industry experts, IWSG members, and administrators. There will also be a dozen links to helpful articles for writers in each edition, as well as a special Member Spotlight. Even if you're not a member of the blogging group, you'll greatly benefit from these FREE monthly newsletters. 

First issue goes out on February 24! 



ARTICLES NEEDED!

Chrys Fey needs your articles for the IWSG Newsletter! If you’d like to submit an article for consideration, please follow the instructions below:

Who Can Submit: Insecure Writer's Support Group Members

Topic Ideas: your number one writing, publishing or marketing tip; a motivational pep talk or inspirational story; a snippet about something you used to be insecure about but overcame or an Aha moment you had about writing/publishing.

Length: 200 words or less

How to Submit: Send a DOC attachment to Chrys Fey at ChrysFey(at)yahoo(dot)com
Put “Member Article” in the Subject Line.

Deadline: March 2nd (Next IWSG Day)

NOTE: Chrys needs a member article for our first newsletter coming out February 24th. If you’d like to be considered for that issue, please send your article to her no later than February 17th.


Thank you for reading! We hope to feature you!

22 comments :

  1. Hank, looks like I need to visit Texas quick-like. As for Moscow, I'll wait for them to kick out Trumpovitch. I never did understand soccer. Soccer is the same as footfall, eh?

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    1. I think you'll need a passport to get into Texas. Not sure how you'll got out though.
      Soccer and footfall (football?) aren't quite the same.

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  2. Hi Joylene and Hank .. well those would be some outcomes ... the thought is too horrendous to dwell on ... Our football and our soccer are the same ... cheers Hilary

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    1. I knew that, about the soccer and football, though my boys mostly played soccer. Football was a bit too dangerous, rival brothers and all that. Hi Hilary.

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  3. I can see football degenerating to that point...

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    Replies
    1. isn't that the truth The rules are so complex and stupid you really need lawyres.

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  4. If Hilary wins, I'm moving to another country.

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  5. Huh, I have a brother in Texas. Guess I need to either warn him or send him a farewell card.

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    Replies
    1. Yeah, Texans entering the USA would be illegal immigrants

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  6. These predictions made me giggle. I love the idea of members submitting for the IWSG newsletter. :-)

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  7. Hey Joylene and of course, Hank,

    "The National Football League acknowledges that its rules are too complex for the referees to handle." Thus, the rumour that refs from the Canadian Football League will not be taking over the NFL seemed have been proven false.

    As for Trump, or whatever he changes his name to to get into Russia, they will figure out who he is and deport him to the UK who will have banned him from entering the country. Trump ends up seeking asylum in Antarctica where the penguins kill him.

    Nice predictions, Hank!

    Kewl stuff, eh, Joylene!

    Gary :)

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    1. Yours are pretty good also, Gary

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    2. Vicious penguins. Oooh. Bad way to go. Happy IWSG, Gary!

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    3. Thanks, Hank and keep up the fun stuff, dude!

      Yep, never piss off a penguin, eh. Happy "I Was Seeking Gary", to you, Joylene!

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  8. Love the comments. A good belly laugh is a very good thing. Thanks, everyone! Can't wait to see what you come up with next, Hank!

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    Replies
    1. I gotta go aways to top this one. A bottle of red wine will help.

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  9. Well these events certainly would keep the news media busy, wouldn't they? Thanks for the laughs, Hank! Thanks for hosting, Joylene!

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  10. Very funny! Sadly though it looks like trump might actually get 4% of the vote!

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  11. The Hilary and Bill one made me chuckle. L. Diane's comment...I feel the same way about Trump. LOL

    Thanks for sharing the Articles Needed announcement! :)

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  12. "...fueled by six-packs, pizza deliveries and an occasional bong?" Hank is too funny!
    Thanks for the giggles!

    ReplyDelete

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